im not mad, just dissapointed

dont you F**.. (ill be good) hate that phrase, anyways it has nothing to do with this blog, but its on my mind so thought id share


anyways, i first want to apologize to beth bc i know you are the only one who really sits down and reads this blogs on a normal basis, and im behind. lo siento senorita

i actually started to right down a blog the other night, and i was trying to do it in a free association method... not so much by writting and not looking down, but more like writing and not stopping to edit, mainly focusing on my ideas as they flowed and trying to get my fingers to keep up

nevertheless, it was a mess, and when i went back to re-read the thing, i felt like it would only make sense to me, so maybe when i get some time ill work on posting the original and the "edited" version

but this made me think of senses, and i guess i have a very different view of what a sense can be

overall, i think that we do have our primary senses, but whats more is that they are intrinsically intangible ( i hope i worded that right) but yea, they are linked in variations to form something more, i guess what we could call the human experience


the funny thing, when we discussed senses, and our favorites, and we explored them,

i was a little surprised that no one mentioned things like adrenaline rushes, or blushing or that kinda SENSE

my favorite sense, is my heartbeat

strange isn't it?

there's something to it thought that i cant quite place, i love it when it races and when i get exited, its something that flows throughout my body and its so immersive

i guess its a thrill, but i love the way it feels even if its a slow build up, or fast and insanely intense

i guess i like adrenaline rushes, but really its more just the way my heart feels, and its strange but i love it when its physical or emotional

i also happen to be one of those people who think to much, and its really strange sometimes to think how worked up i can get on my own, like pumped up for something or well almost clinically depressed, but thru all of that, i feel it with my heart, or at least what i can SENSE as my heart

i dont want to sound emo, so im going to refrain from love, but there definitely is something otherworldly about it


moving on, i tried doing the assignment in regards to seeking out our senses, and it was really hard for me, i think im just wired differently than other people

i had a really hard time limiting myself to experiences in only one fashion

however, ill try to list somethings now that i am thinking back


vision: i went to go see "how to lose friends and alienate people" on saturday night, and aside from the movie being everything that is awesome bc simon pegg is a badass mofo, i had a unique experience, i was the only one in the theatre

i took a pic on my cell phone, but im not hip and my phone is li-z-ame

it was surreal to have a private showing, but then late into the beginning some people walked in, but still, going to the movies by yourself and having the place to yourself is well ... try it


taste/smell: i normally dont smoke, and i dont condone it, however, i do feel that there is something to it, something calming and re-assuring, and i guess there is a positive to it in some regards, especially if you are orally fixated like i am

moving on, (sorry for rants, and run ons, its just the way i think and write)

i decided to have a few this weekend with one of my friends as we caught up and talked about our love lives, and i must admit, sometimes having something on fire in your hand can make you feel better about the world

but cancer is a bad boy, so stay away children

nevertheless, its an odd experience if you aren't familiar, the way it goes from your mouth to your lungs and all that jazz, even the flavor

and i know its ash and chemicals and nasty junk, but i recommend it to the curious (maybe try hookah) to just experience it


taste ~ food: my heart is very close to my stomach, if i didn't know better id say it lived there at times

i love how food brings people together, and how much you can get out of a pint


touch: so i have to get a lil pansy rific ( its my blog, and i dont feel that i have to explain everything) but to make it understandable, i recently went from a 3yr relationship to being solo

and well, i realized that im a very physical person (you keep it clean and i will) but i miss the way our hands fit into each others, we always thought it was really unique, and if we ever laid next to each other we kinda molded into one another, and well we fit in ways that just seemed unique


hearing: i really appreciate the fact that im not quite deaf yet, going to concerts when i was younger and making sure i got close to the stage probably wasnt the best decision in hindsight when it comes to me and not wearing hearing aides when i get older, but ya know you only live once right ... right

i noticed how music seems to be very important to everyone under the sun, but i guess it hasnt been until recently for me that i actualy started listening to things again

i guess its hard for me bc i cant just put something on in the background usually, i tend to focus on it and well i cant get anything else done... save for driving

but there is something magical about the whole thing, how it actually works and how it makes us feel, and i dont know if its because we respond to the beat on some primordial level or if its that it helps us connect to each other, or if its something else, or a crazy combination (im banking its probably everthing)

instead of going further into how awesome it is, i wanted to ask if anyone ever had one of those momenets where you felt like your life was being played out in song

its happened to me a few times, and i almost hate it, bc i feel that either A) someone said it better than i could or B) i feel cheated in a way bc i dont feel that my experience was as unique as i thought it was C) the song is either by a band or a singer that i just dont want to acknowledge as having talent, and there they are singing whats going on in my head

i also was wondering, but does anyone like just instrumental ? sometimes i prefer it bc the song can then truly become yours, you can take it with you and make it mean whatever you want it to... and its crazy, but sometimes its meaning changes with time


ok, i know that i have a few other things to list out for my assignments so im going to get thru them fast so this doesnt become a novel


thoughts on class, i love this class, and i wish we had more time to just sit around and do what we do... break the mold, fight the power, sing cuumbuy ya (sp?) and looking at art... we are so damn trendy it hurts

but i think we should consider ourselves fortunate, as i said to beth (in a matter of speaking) bc everyone in this class in my eyes doesnt need it, we already seem to understand what beth is getting at, at opening our minds to new experiences and that life doesnt end when you dont get an A ... etc etc

i really wish we had some people in the class that we could help, i suppose we should go out for a pyschology grant since we are basically a self help group... we could even get a grant


but yea i love our class, it gives me something to look forward to, and i like that beth encourages to get everyone involved since some are shy, we dont need to spotlight on anyone particular and thats badass i must say



ok uhm lets see i think theres one last thing i have to mention, BETH BOUGHT ME FOOD which in my world = BETH IS MY FAVORITE PROF

so we had lunch the day she assigned us to just do something, and we ate at Bazbeaux Pizza, truly one of the best pizza places in indy fo shiz (as i mentioned before, my heart is linked to food, so when she mentioned do whatever we want this idea hit me hard, well that and going to circle center to re live some arcade action)

id been hoping to get to talk to beth about somethings, so it just kinda worked out, i know most of you already have some connection with her, but since im a rookie it was ne-ice to get caught up on somethings



ok well i think im all caught up, if anyone is curious or wants to know more then step up, be a big kid, and ask

i bite, but thats if you get lucky so ...




forever and always
~j